Time-Lost Again

I haven't been able to write much recently. It's not due to writer's block or lack of ideas. I'm just exhausted. I have ideas eating away at my mind, but no energy with which to resolve them. I had kidney stone surgery at the end of July and that flared up my narcolepsy to the point that I have trouble staying awake for more than a couple hours at a time. I had bilateral stones, so I had a second procedure, extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy - ESWL, on my other kidney last week. I don't think it worked (will find out next week), so I may be in for a second surgery. I needed a stent for the first one and that was a little traumatic, so the prospect of going through that again is keeping my focus wobbly. I'm time-lost for the moment and hoping this narcolepsy flare doesn't last too much longer.

I do feel a little productive though, due to something I wrote in May. My short story, "They", was published in a little anthology Possibilities Publishing Company put out yesterday. The book is available in both e-book and paperback, so get your copy in whichever format you prefer.

I feel the need to stay productive despite the surgeries and narcolepsy, so I've returned to an old hobby... drawing. I'm planning on including some of my artwork in Rain Falls on Malora. I'm also drawing a geeky coloring book unrelated to my books, but since it's fan art, I don't think I'll be able to publish that unless I figure out copyright for each of the books, TV shows, and movies I've drawn artwork for. You can see some of them on my Instagram, though.

I want to share with you coloring book-style pictures I've drawn of characters from the Malora Octet. I bought a set of art pens recently so this has been a fun new experiment.

Bethel Masiona and Saruza Starsinger. Bethel is always a pain to color
against complex backgrounds for reasons that are obvious if you've
 read the series.

Rain and Dawn. I may alter this into a cover for Rain Falls on Malora
if I end up including Rain's short story in the book.

Silvan and Mairen from Arrow of Entropy. I don't want to be a
spoiler so all I'll say is they're learning how to spar.

Ravaki and Safora from The Crystal Lattice. I'm not happy with their arm
positioning, but I love how the rest of the picture turned out.

This was inspired by Nira's letter to Azfadel in The Crystal Lattice.
It's amazing how just a couple lines reveal her postpartum depression.

Snippet: Sand into Glass

I sit up and press my right ear against Aucra's sternum. Her heart is steady, unchanging. She is clockwork, but I wonder if her gears are made of glass or of metal. If she is glass, I can reshape her with just a little heat and stress. I feel the buzz of her voice in her chest. I have no idea what poison she whispers to me, and I don't care.

“You present yourself young and beautiful,” I say, “but you are neither. You are Time, as old as the universe, and as twisted and deceitful. You are responsible for far more murders than I am. You are the worst mass-murderer in all the universe. Every single living thing falls to you eventually, and you savor it, drink up every bit of that death and then piss on the next generation while waiting for it to come of age so you can drink again. While you're waiting, you take little sips and kill off the fragile young and the accident-prone and the infirm to keep your appetite from fading. You are a murderous abomination, and it's no wonder you have fallen in love with someone just a fraction as loathsome as yourself. I will leave your love unrequited, because I am better than you. I do not kill for my own entertainment. No matter what I am better than you, and I will win. Watch me win.”

-Sand into Glass

The Web

The Web is the deity hierarchy of the Malora universe. There are fourteen primary Elements and many minor ones. Humans cannot see or interact with most of the Elements, but Tenjeri and some members of the Aulor-descended races can.

A note on Elemental merging: It would seem the Elements are inbred, and in a way, they are. This is often found in world mythology. 

“The Elements of the Web are not people, Velocity,” Verity explained. “They are Elements and merging for them is like creating new colors by blending paints and pigments. Inquisitive child, there is nothing sinister about that when it pertains to the immortal Elements." - from Mayfly Requiem

The Web

Eryagloris (Stars) - One of the center points of the Web, Eryagloris is thought of by Lani as more paternal and caring than the other Elements, possibly because he spends more time watching humans than the others. He manifests as a pale man with indigo hair and eyes. Temple city is Starfall.

Aucra (Time) - Eryagloris' mate is constant and unforgiving. She holds grudges for eternity and occasionally plays games involving mortals. She manifests as a young woman with red hair and gold-flecked blue eyes. Like Lani, her voice is rhythmic and verging on monotonous. She is often seen not as Eryagloris' equal, but above him and at the very center of the Web. Temple city is Meridian.

Omalara (Ocean) - Daughter of Aucra and Eryagloris. She is as turbulent and changing as her element, and can slip from kindly to raging in response to a touch of wind or cloud that is not to her liking. She often chooses to manifest as a water-toned Watersinger. Patron Element of the Mero and all mariners. Temple city is Wavecrest.

Aumua (Desert) - Son of Aucra and Eryagloris. Arden Masiona describes him as "Aumua crept into my mind like lingering sand after a swim in the ocean." Aumua brings a cloud of sand with him wherever he ventures and can transcend space in a similar manner to the Aulor Bethel. He is the patron of glassmakers, and has taken several mortals on as his apprentices. He is the creator of Dunewind and the Vin people, is the co-creator of the Thulan, and has a tenuous alliance with the Marglor (sand spirits). He manifests as a sandy-haired, tan-eyed man who cannot escape his cloud of dust and sand. Temple city is Dunewind.

Rima (Sky) - The androgynous child of Aucra and Eryagloris can become male, female, or anywhere in between depending on mood. Rima manifests as a slight person with long blonde hair and blue eyes. Rima's Kiedran equivalent is Palas. Temple city is Skyspire.

Affaji (Tundra) - Son of Aumua and Omalara. Affaji generally dislikes humans and holds a great hatred for Rassa, but he greatly respects Bethel. He created the Tenjeri and is able to interact with them, and later with the Masai. He employs winged wolves (Grikashk). He manifests as a tall Tenjeri with white hair and silver eyes, and the sound of bells follows him. Temple cities are Northwinds on Malora and Trieskel on Rikulon.

Velatari (Rain) - The son of Rima and Omalara is universally described as "boring" by anyone he has come into contact with. However, he is the focus of the epic poem Sing to Samiaya, the most acclaimed piece of Tenjeri literature in the world. He has been referred to many times in the Malora Series, but has yet to make a physical appearance. Temple city is Palmshore in the southern rainforests of Kira.

Maldalo (Plains) - Also known as "The Lifegiver", Maldalo is the daughter of Aumua and Rima. She is the bringer of the harvest and the patron Element of the nation of Maritor. She manifests as a human woman with golden hair, rich brown skin, and blue eyes, hearkening to the wheat, the soil, and the sky. She often walks the fields of Maritor, unseen by humans. Temple city is Fruithill.

Samiaya (Aurora) - Daughter of Rima and Eryagloris. Samiaya is beautiful, but elusive and inaccessible to many who prefer a warmer climate. She manifests as a teenager with bright, color-shifting hair. Temple city is Icelight.

Aksuvian (Mountains) - Son of Rima and Maldalo. Aksuvian is gruff in manner, but generally harmless unless you venture too close. He manifests as a middle-aged gentleman with gray hair and eyes. Patron Element of the Baku and the Drey. Temple city is Nighthollow.

Faloway (Forest) - Daughter of Maldalo and Velatari, twin to Sepitira. Faloway walks the forest much like Maldalo wanders the plains. She is jealous and unforgiving of those who maim her trees. She harbors a long-standing feud with Affaji. She has not yet made a physical appearance in the Malora Series. She is the patron Element of the Efi. Temple city is Moonhaven.

Sepitira (Wetlands) - Daughter of Maldalo and Velatara, twin to Faloway. Patron Element of the delta country of Anor. She has not appeared in the Malora series. Temple city is Reedwater.

Metalis (Rivers) - Daughter of Aksuvian and Maldalo. Metalis deeply loathes Bethel and advocates his death. She has not yet made a physical appearance in the Malora Series. Temple city is Riverbottom.

Uadiamore (Sound) - Son of Velatari and Samiaya. Uadiamore manifests as a chestnut-haired, dark-eyed young man (not the silver-complected infant depicted in Sing to Samiaya). Like Affaji, the sound of bells follows him. Temple city is Cascades.

Outliers

Paradox - No one is sure where Paradox came from. He is a mate of Rima and has been imprisoned by Aucra for many eons.

Kairen (Metamorphosis) - The androgynous trickster child of Rima and Paradox. Kairen usually manifests as a color-shifting creature vaguely reminiscent of an owl, but has been known to take human form to procreate with humans. Kairen makes a game of influencing people and even Aulors to do things they normally wouldn't. He is often imprisoned by Aucra, but just as often escapes or survives his own execution.

Taiga (Boreal Forest) - Son of Faloway and Affaji. Patron Element of the Masai following his release from Aucra's Elemental prison. Affaji claimed there are over thirty Elements on the Web, but little has been revealed of the outliers beyond the core fourteen.

Sebelra (Oblivion) - The sleeping abyss is the counterpart of Eryagloris and Aucra, the void between the stars. He sleeps on unaware of his own existence while the universe grows and shifts around him. Sebelra is the only thing Aucra truly fears, especially now that he is on the edge of waking from his calm dream world. Bethel long-believed that Oblivion's soul lived in Rassa, but Affaji confirmed Bethel's assumption as an error, so the abyss still sleeps for now. When Oblivion wakes, the universe will know.

Laatulya (Redemption) - this fallen Aulor is the guardian of the Evergreen Abyss, the underworld that receives the souls of the damned upon their deaths. Laatulya appears as a heavily scarred young man in a ragged robe. His physical condition depends on how recently Aucra has repaired him. He is frequently abused by Aucra to the point where many of his senses are stripped away, but his mind is still mostly intact. He is tasked to relive the crimes of the damned along with them, but he has never been very good at his job.

Aspects

Aulors - Time Children, the human-like offspring of Aucra and Eryagloris. They are the sentinels of the Web, sent to the world in human form to watch and interpret between cyclic cataclysms. As of the beginning of Arrow of Entropy, six Aulors have been named. They exist only in pairs, and are biologically immortal, locked in time as young adults.

Morazend - Wind spirits, volatile and vicious. "The Morazend are infinite in number, the zephyrs on the wind. They are the ones who howl through the trees and against the windows during storms. We shall not invoke them either, for they are volatile and wrathful." - from Mayfly Requiem. There is one example in the series of a Morazend soul in human form.

Thulan - The Phoenix is believed to be the offspring of Eryagloris and Aumua. Only one exists at a time and the Thulan can be born into any sentient race. Examples have existed all across history and have been included as characters or referenced in every book of the Malora Series. Upon a great upheaval, altruistic action, or turning of events, the Thulan becomes self-aware and transcends into an elemental form. The Thulan dies in this form and is born again in a new body. The Thulan's primary responsibility is to illuminate the world, either through destruction or through bringing light, depending on what is needed.

Velador - "The Velador are the children of water, a trio of many-fanged creatures concocted by Omalara, Velatari, and Metalis to avenge any who might unjustly fall dead into the waters of the world." - from Mayfly Requiem

Aucra

I was going to post something yesterday for Snippet Sunday/Six Sentence Sunday, but I am perpetually time-lost and can never remember what day it is. This is a bit from my work-in-progress, Sand into Glass. Aucra is one of the central Elements, the deity Time. The narrator, Arden, is not immortal, but is from a long-lived race descended from Aulors. He is hearing-impaired (deaf on the left, and at this point in the story, only possesses partial hearing in his right). 

I wandered into the corner and out of the range of Ikuren's voice. Aucra sat on my cot. She wanted so horribly to see her prize tainted, to see his teetering foundation crumble under the tremendous weight of his own memories. I was no prize, no trophy, no champion for her. I couldn't redeem myself, but I could vex her until my end.

“You are going to lose this fight,” Aucra said. She smiled smugly and twirled a strand of hair between her fingers.

I flopped on the cot and laid my head on her lap. She stroked my hair and I smiled up at her. I whispered, “My life is a waste except for a single moment bracketed by two shimmering stars. Even if I only have one wonderful moment every four centuries, I will hold onto that and it will keep me safe. A spring rain, a desert night, a swinging pendulum, a ticklish child laughing as I try to put shoes on his feet. I focus on the light I can find, and if I can't find it, I create it. I created two tiny stars, and even the one who was short-lived burned far brighter than you ever will.”

I sat up and pressed my right ear against Aucra's sternum. Her heart was steady, unchanging. She was clockwork, but I wondered if her gears were made of glass or of metal. If she was glass, I could reshape her. I felt the buzz of her voice in her chest. I had no idea what poison she whispered to me and I didn't care.

“You present yourself young and beautiful,but you are neither," I said calmly. "You are Time, as old as the universe, and as twisted and deceitful. You are responsible for far more murders than I am. You are the worst mass-murderer in all the universe. Every single living thing falls to you eventually, and you savor it, drink up every bit of that death and then piss on the next generation while waiting for it to come of age so you can drink again. While you're waiting, you take little sips and kill off the young and the infirm to keep your appetite from fading. You are a murderous abomination, and it's no wonder you have fallen in love with someone just a fraction as loathsome as yourself. I will leave your love unrequited, because I am better than you. I do not kill for my own entertainment. No matter what, I am better than you, and I will win. Watch me win.”

Aucra continued to stroke my hair and I fell asleep in her arms. She was still there when I woke from my nap, but she refused to speak with me. I appreciated that, and daresay, celebrated it. It is not often a mortal renders Time speechless.

The Aulor

This is an excerpt from my first draft of Absolution.  I'll finish it someday, I promise.

The stars above illuminated the tranquil water below, infinite and ancient fireflies dancing within the subtle waves. The stars were never so bright before the world fell, and they were veiled for a long time after as well. Volcanoes and ash and meteor strikes, the beloved children of Wildfire, had left the sky dark and the ground sooty for a decade after she succumbed to her own flames. It was a ruined world, but strangely beautiful, and everywhere, once magnificent cities were being devoured by nature and time. Nature was not the realm of the Aulor, but time was.

He was a young Aulor, maybe one hundred years old, maybe a little more, but he had chosen to lose track of the years since they did not matter so much anymore. Some Aulors had perfect sense of time, but he didn't, and was glad for it. Years only reminded him of the things he lost, the friends who fell to their age, and the children who grew elderly as he remained constant. He was a phantom, dancing lightly through time while time never danced with him in return. The curse of an Aulor was to never age, never grow old, but also to always love and always be hurt because of it.

The inky black and starry mist saturated his skin until he was coated in a dark embrace. They painted him with their glittering light. It was the space between the stars which intrigued him, the nihility of oblivion, but he tried not to think about why. It still stung his heart to remember, so he focused on the brightness of the stars instead of the vast nothingness embracing them.  

Someday

Someday, I won't have to wonder if there is vomit in my hair or on my shirt when I go to the grocery store.
Someday, I will take a shower without seeing tiny hands and noses pressed up against the glass.
Someday, I will be able to use the bathroom without hearing, "Mommy!  Look!  Look, Mommy!"
Someday, I will be able to take my family in public without worrying about my son running amok and yelling "Boobs!" as loud as his little lungs will let him.
Someday, my daughter won't cry when she is hungry, but will use words instead.
Someday, I will perform my last diaper change and pack the fluff away in favor of colorful underwear.
Someday, my children will decide they no longer need me to cuddle them to sleep in my bed in order to take a nap.
Someday, it will take less than two hours and three clothing changes to leave the house.
Someday, I won't hear "Watch Elmo?  Watch Elmo?  Mario Cart?" when we go in the basement.
Someday, my underclothes won't need snaps at the shoulders and my freezer will not be in danger of a milk avalanche.
Someday, the dining room floor won't be sticky.
Someday, I will no longer need to step over baby gates to navigate the house.
Someday, little blue eyes will no longer be excited when I raise my shirt.
Someday, I won't be struggling to pull a shirt over anyone's head in the middle of a tantrum.
Someday, I won't be giving anyone else a bath.
Someday, my children will no longer want me to read to them before bed.

And on that day I will miss all of it.
And on that day I'll know it all went by too fast.
It's hard sometimes to remember this when I'm struggling.
I have to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and remember they won't be little for long.
The days are too slow, but the years are too fast.

Time

We are a culture obsessed with time. When, how old, wake up, go to sleep, deadlines, schedules, weekdays, weekends, paydays, due dates, deathbeds. Wear a watch, set the alarm, hurry, hurry, don't be late! Ticking and tocking and chiming and tolling. Past and future are always in our thoughts, but what about the present? How can we even live for our futures if we don't pay attention to the now?

We worship time unintentionally. We hang or place shrines to it in nearly every room in our homes, wear its symbolic representation on our wrists, watch its long arms tick ever so slowly toward the end of another workday. Its cry wakes us in the morning, and we are sure to reset it before bed at night. We become slaves to its whims, doing the same tasks at the same time every day as we cross off dates and months and years one by one by one. We lose the small moments as it pushes us into the future. We cannot escape its unyielding wrath or its ultimate plan for us. Time has become our master, and we its slaves.

Time deities are widespread in world mythology. Chronos, Father Time, the Fates, Kairos, the Norns, Kan-Laon, Huh, Vertumnus, Geras, Mundilfari, Manu, Death. Whatever it is called, it is the beginning, middle, and end of our lives, a pervasive presence we cannot escape. Some cultures are far more hurried than others, but all spend energy fighting time. There are miracle cures and fountains of youth, life support and life-long restrictions of diet, sex, and happiness, all with the intention of extending the reach of an individual's time. Immortality is too often sought through extending one's own life unnaturally instead of through leaving a legacy for the future.

Slow down. Breathe, just take in a long, deep breath and absorb your surroundings. Watch a spider build a web, watch your children play, watch the washer complete a cycle. Mesmerizing, isn't it? The present is where everything happens, but we are often far to worried about what comes next to take any of it in. We lose our own childhoods dreaming of the future and lose our children's to deadlines and over-scheduling. Suddenly, our children are grown, we are old, and the future holds only the promise of an end.

I am not saying forsake all duties and scheduling, but take some time each day and just savor the moment. Discover something small and beautiful. Spend time with those you love. If you don't at least once in a while, you'll find all of sudden that you are at the end of your time and full of regret over what could have been. Recognize that the smallest moments are often the most meaningful. Do the things you always wanted to do today instead of procrastinating further, for you never know which day is your last. You never know when Time will come to claim you, so spend every day eliminating potential regrets.