K is for Komainu

This guy guards my front door.  I used to have two of them, but the un-gyo (close-mouthed komainu) was broken during a move.  I guess my home is only half-protected from evil since I only have the a-gyo (open-mouthed komainu).

Together, un-gyo and a-gyo (aun-gyo) represent the beginning and the end, infinity.  Evil spirits are expelled through he mouth of a-gyo and good spirits are kept in through the closed moth of un-gyo.

Guardian dogs or lions are common in Asian cultures.  In Japan, they are "Komainu" and "Shisa" in Okinawa.  In China, they are called "Shishi".  In Myanmar, they are "Chinthe".  They are found guarding Buddhist, Shinto, and Ryukyuan shrines, temples, and altars.

My Pantheism

I spent pieces of today in a debate with someone I didn't know.  I wrote the following to explain my beliefs to her.  I admit I plagiarized myself a little bit (using bits of things I posted on a message board), but some things I think I said right the first time so I didn't need to explain them a different way.

I see the universe as divine in itself, without the need for a higher power.  We are only at the zygote state of what we know in science, but that doesn't mean what we know is wrong.  Newton's theories are technically wrong, but they still apply to certain problem scales.  We modify and move on.  Nothing in science is absolute because we know that there is more than what we are seeing.  We strive to find out what that more is, and we find it, sometimes slowly and methodically, and sometimes through epiphany.  We do not assume that what we know now is all there is.

No matter how advanced our human science gets, we still won't know everything.  Particles react in strange and sometimes unpredictable ways and you have to keep breaking them down further and further to see what is going on underneath.  We used to think that protons and neutrons were fundamental particles, but now we know that they aren't.  They are made up of quarks, which are the only known particles to experience all four fundamental forces (strong, weak, electromagnetic, and gravitational).  In quantum physics, you can keep looking and looking, but you keep finding that there is always more to see.  Complexity and perfection.  Love is the gravitational attraction between two bodies, and it, along with duct tape, holds the universe together.

There is a lot of perceived chaos in the universe, but also balance.  Cause and effect balance out into a teetering stability.  An outside reaction tips the balance, and what looks like chaos is just another effect.  Many religious people look at the universe and believe there is more -- heaven and hell and some form of afterlife.  I look at the universe and think "This is all there is, it is more than enough, and it is magnificent."  I see heaven in the formation of a new star and the birth of an otter, hell in a volcano destroying an island and a supernova consuming orbiting planets.

My moral code is simple -- If what you are doing hurts yourself, another person, an animal, or the world around you, then it is wrong and you shouldn't be doing it.  I respect life in all forms and try not to leave a detrimental impact on my surroundings.  I am trying to leave my world a better place than it was when I came into it.  There is such beauty in the world, but it is often overlooked in the course of being human.

My beliefs are dynamic.  I believe that bosons are not subject to the Pauli exclusion principle, but I am open to a theory that proves something else.  Everything proven has the potential to be disproven, but that doesn't mean that everything we know now is incorrect.  The universe is a vast and strange place.  As for a higher power, I do not believe in one.  Nature is all the power I need to believe in, and nature is not a sentient, omniscient, or omnipotent being.  Anything I don't know, I try to learn more about.  I open my mind to epiphany, to new possibilities and ideas.  That inner growth is very important to who I am.  Nature is my temple and science is my translation.

Some people just shouldn't speak.

Today is a snarky day and I just have to rant.

There are people out there who are so messed up in the head that I really can't understand how they function. There are some things you just don't say to people, especially people you don't know. There are more things that you just don't say to anyone, and if you're thinking them, you seriously need to reevaluate your life and probably get some professional help.

I was at the gym today like I am every weekday for my Pilates and yoga classes. When my class was over, I picked up my son from the gym's child watch. He was fussing a lot, so I sat down in a nice comfy armchair to the side of the entry area to feed him.

After a couple of minutes, and woman walked up to me. She stared for a minute, put her hand on her hip, fondled a cross around her neck with the other hand, shook her head, and said, "I just don't understand why God lets people like you have children."

Okay... um... what?
No explanation, no other dialogue. Just that. "I just don't understand why God lets people like you have children."

I don't use acronyms very often, but seriously, WTF, lady?!? First of all, doesn't your book say not to judge others? Don't you God-fearing folk remember that it is not your place to assume God's "plans". Ignorance is not bliss, and neither is insulting other people.

I had to think about what I was doing to offend her, and realized it could be any number of things. I am offensive to a lot of people just because I'm not like them. I'm vegan, I chose not to alter my perfect newborn son's body for cosmetic purposes, I'm short enough that people assume I escaped from Munchkin land and am now living under an assumed identity in Kansas, I am not a Christian and don't hang out in the closet gathering dust on the matter. I mentally made a list (I like lists because I can number them and math is fun) on the outward ways I must have been offending her and deemed unworthy of my child by a total stranger. Some possibilities are absurd, but so was this entire event. I have an overactive imagination and like to speculate...

1. I was breastfeeding -- Oh no, this is the big one, the most obvious offense against the moral fiber of the Midwest. Doubly offensive is that I was nursing a 9 month old. I didn't have my boob popped out for everyone to see or anything. After 9 months, I've learned to be discreet, even without being cocooned in a cover. I'm sorry, lady, I'm not going to formula feed just so you feel better about yourself. I try to give my son the best I can, and since these babies are fully functional, they're my baby's for nutritional satisfaction. I'm not going to pump for a bottle either, because then I end up engorged from not feeding him. I'm not going to feed him in the bathroom, because that is disgusting, and I'm not going to wait until we get home because it is downright cruel to let him scream in hunger. If you don't like my magnificent mammaries and how I use them, ignore me and walk away.

2. My presumed age -- I get this one a lot. I look like a teenager, but I'm 28. For this reason, I don't assume anything when I see mothers who look like young girls. My husband is not cradle robbing, I am not in high school, and I'm about 10 years older than I look. Maybe she was jealous because I'm aging well.

3. Cloth diapers -- My little guy's diaper was showing, mostly because I had him wearing a pair of leggings I made from knee-high patterned socks. I don't like putting him in pants because he crawls out of them. His cute little fluffy butt was showing under his onesie. I don't know, I've seen some people get pretty damned defensive about their disposables. I think sposies are disgusting, but I'm not about to come up to another mother and berate her on her choice to use them.

4. The diaper bag -- I have a really cool diaper bag. It's hand made our of really bright fabric covered in tropical scenes and parrots. Maybe too feminine for some tastes? It does its job so I don't complain about it. If it was too feminine, maybe I should have bought the pink striped knee socks to make his leggings in after all. But I can't do that! He'll catch The Gay! By a similar token, I turned parts for a potential afghan into a yoga mat bag, which was sitting next to me. It is bright, obnoxious, and a good use of afghan squares I lost the instructions for.

5. My book -- I was reading Steven Hawking. How Godless of me. Better watch out, intellect is contagious.

6. My shirt -- I like woot. Occasionally they have a really sweet shirt I can't pass up. Today I was wearing my recycled phoenix shirt, and the picture clearly showed above my nursing son. It is the life stages of a phoenix (flight, flames, reborn) in a recycle symbol. I guess since my version of apparel rebirth had nothing to do with Zombie Resurrection Jesus, praising Jesus, loving God, or any silly play on words or corporate symbols in the form of altered advertising, I must be an unworthy parent. Maybe I should buy the vegan "Praise Seitan" shirt and see what she thinks of that.

7. I left my child in the gym's child watch for an hour. Someone else is raising my child.

8. Conversely, I was not at work and it was the middle of the morning. I must be a leach on either my husband or society.

9. My tattoo -- I have several, but the only visible one at the time was the treble clef over a blue moon on my ankle. Didn't you know? Tattooed people are unfit parents.

10. I radiate Godless heathenism. It must be true. I mean, look at me, I have an invisible "Atheist" tattooed on my forehead. Only Christians can see it. I just looked in the mirror. Non-believers must not be able to see it, because I certainly can't. My child is unbaptized so I must be sending him straight into the bowels of Hell. Save him! He must be saved! His soul must be saved so he can go to Heaven! Nah, that's his choice, not mine. If he wants to believe in something, he can, but I'm neither going to encourage it, nor discourage it. I have texts from a dozen different religions in my house. He can read them and decide for himself what he thinks. Just because I don't believe, didn't baptize him, and only go into churches for weddings, funerals, and La Leche League meetings doesn't mean that I shouldn't be a mother.

What did this woman see when she looked at me? She's the only one who knows, and all I can do is speculate.

"I just don't understand why God lets people like you have children," she said, and I stared at her in shock. I really can't believe she said that, but she did.

I stroked my son's hair and he stopped eating and smiled up at me. I gave the first response that came into my mind. I smiled crookedly, snapped my book shut, and said,

"I guess Darwin wins in the end after all."

She walked away in a huff, and I returned to feeding my child.

To My Religious Friends

Do not pity me, do not feel sorry for me. I have chosen my path by my own free will. I am not lost, so there is no need for me to be found. My life is not empty. I know who I am and I know my purpose. I love, I am loved, and I strive every day to make sure I leave this world in better condition than I found it. My world is not dark and it is not cold. I see beauty and divinity in the world around me, and it is in no way less meaningful than your world ruled by a deity. My divine is love and nature, physics and chemistry and respect. I can respect you without agreeing and love you without believing that my love was directed by a higher power. Disagreement is not mocking, but instead is a quest for mutual understanding. I have no reason to mock you and it is hurtful when you proclaim how sorry you are for me.

Have you ever tried to see the universe from a different perspective, maybe one you were not taught through tradition? I can see your point of view because I explored it in my initial wandering. I do not wander anymore. I now understand my place in the universe, and it is right here where I am. I may be small, but I am not insignificant. I can touch the lives of others, and my small caress can ripple through humanity in a subtle wave. I do not need to make the world mine, I just need to make my own world matter. I need to make it matter for my son, my husband, my friends, and my family.

I am not lacking for anything intangible, so do not pity my lack of belief. I have hope, but it is centered around humanity instead of the vague promise of reward based on faith. I see hope and wonder in the eyes of my child and I know he is something special and unique, as is every child in the world. I have not squandered the concept of a soul, for all my soul is is my individuality. I am not like any other even though we are all fundamentally the same, and that spark of uniqueness is my soul. I have morals, and I try to live my life as well as possible because I am living for this life and this life alone. I am living my way so my progeny can thrive in a safe and clean world. I am not selfish. I have sacrificed an incredible amount for other people, so do not trivialize my achievements just because they were not accomplished under the banner of a belief. I try to always be honest, even if the truth isn't always what people want to hear. The truth is deserved by all and it is told out of love and not fear.

Do not pity me, my friend, for I do not live in fear. I lost my fear when I found myself. I found intense love for humanity, respect for the universe and everything in it, virtue in rationality, and innate values which embrace the best of all religions. I respect you as an individual, so please respect me. If you feel you must pray for me, go ahead, but I do not need it and it honestly makes me a bit uncomfortable if you tell me outright that you are. A kind word and a kind thought will suffice, and I will reciprocate the same to you. Work toward your own peace as I work toward mine. Embrace me because I am different from you, since it would be a boring world if we were all the same.